What I've been doing recently...

together...

I have a few more I need to add. Natatamad ako and I'm a bit sad na rin.  Tsaka na lang natin pag usapan yon.  You my readers enjoy the view na lang muna.

Go on girl should be my motto.  I feel like I've just lost a best friend.  We hardly talk, no SMS, hardly an email. It's sad but I've got to move on, don't I? Anyway, here's a song that is a friends favorite.  I just read the lyrics not so long ago.

Go on Girl - By: Ne-yo

[V1:]
I can't get it back, but
I don't want it back, I
Realized that,
She don't know how to act
Never been a dumb dude
No I'm not dense
I Just had a slight lack
Of common sense
I was the good guy
She was the bad girl
I'm thinking one girl
She thinking me, earl James and jimmy
Yep she had plenty
But love for me, she didn't have any

I was inviting, her into my heart
But she was out riding in some other man's car
She was my night time, thought I was her star
Guess I was wrong, but see I'm strong
Wont take long for me to move on

[Hook:]
Please don't worry bout me I'm fine
(Please don't worry bout me I'm fine)
Only gonna play the fool one time
(Only gonna play the fool one time)
Trust me when I say
That I'll be OK
Go on girl
(Go on girl)
Go on girl
(Go on girl)
Go on girl

[V2:]
I can't get it back, but
I don't want it back, I
Realized that,
She don't know how to act
Tried to settle down and look what I get
Thought it was my time, but I guess not yet
She at the bar getting drinks from many men
I'm in the house, thinking shes with her girlfriends
Just not knowing, truly not knowing
I look back now like, man, I was open

I was inviting, her into my heart
But she was out riding in some other man's car
She was my night time, thought I was her star
Guess I was wrong, but see I'm strong
Wont take long for me to move on

[Hook]

[Bridge]
The mistake I made is clear
(we never should've been together)
Thats the reason you're not here
(I know that I can do much better)
Not a single salty tear
Not a feeling in my chest
Baby I'm feeling no stress
I'm too fly to be depressed

Go on Girl
Go on Girl
Go on Girl
Go on Girl

Ok, we're starting to communicate again but it took a week for it to really begin.  It started with a short "Ayn... blah blah blah" then laughter at lunch, then SMS on a Saturday afternoon, and then some sharing on a Saturday night.  It's okay but still more business than anything else which is, okay.  I still have the same perception, the same first impression which I had thought has changed over the course of time -- then it came back.  It's difficult when you start thinking that someone is despicable and you often see or talk to that person.  Oh no, I think I'm being judgemental, mad even.  Nooo, it's the March Madness!  Hahaha I just made that up.  It sounded good though but I think I am mad (foolish) in a way.  Don't you think so, too?

I still want to be friends with (friend) but with less emotional attachment (and what is being emotional by being honest/truthful? blech) and with less talk therefore less knowledge... the less I know, the lesser I get involved.  Eto ba epekto ng 2 days ng Flanax?  Maybe.  I used to just stay numb and unfeeling when I take it but today... whoa!  Iba ang dating.  Anyway...

Something to share. Smooched this from Pebbles' friendster, posted by Omar, her fiance:

So, what do you think of that?

Sometimes, we do have the tendency to listen to songs we can relate to at the time we are feeling the same way.  I do that, too but oftentimes feel that I should listen to something with a more upbeat feel or tone because I think that the more I listen to something with a slower melody, it will make me feel more depressed or sad, or it may even make me cry which would make things worse and I hate that. 

I believe that I am a (hopeless) romantic inside but it just doesn't really show. Para kasing hindi bagay sa personality ko that everyone else sees and that it makes one seem vulnerable. In the same way that I like wedding items, I like the kind of music that makes you feel good and warm inside.  Mind you though, I do have CDs like the Art of Letting Go and Closer to Home.  Good music but makes one want to kill himself after listening to all of the songs in the CD. Hahahaha.  I didn't buy them at the time I was depressed or sad.  I just liked the music, that's all.  At mahilig talaga ko dun... if you can only see how many song books and CDs and tapes I have. hehehhe.

The music I listen to now is more about hope and something to think of in the future.  Maybe there is something wrong with me, that there is something that needs to be fixed (hence, Coldplay and Fix You - September 8 entry).  I have a number of could-have-been relationships of late where everything was good but a third party came along and it just stopped short.  The women were more aggressive and I guess I was passive.  What could I do?  Maybe there was something I could have done but I didn't know what; maybe I was not sure of what I wanted or if what I felt was enough to make the relationship work. Dapat bang ako nanligaw, este nag-initiate ng relationship?  (If you're nodding, ok ka lang?! pbfftht.) Can you tell me what is wrong with me or what I'd need to fix? I'd sure love to hear it if you can give me your thoughts on this.

With that thought, let me leave you with this weeks National Anthem, A Little Bit by MYMP:

When someone sings to you, what do you say or do?  Listen di ba? hehehehe

It wasn't such a good week for me last week... except when Lloyd and I attended a seminar for Contact Centers at the Peninsula. It was really interesting and one of the speakers was really good. His name is Roger Lee and he spoke in a very clear and understandable manner and he sounded good, too.  Lloyd had even said that one can listen to him speak all day, and I agree.  We also saw a lot of our colleagues from the old team (VoIP) and Fleu.  I've missed her a lot and I miss the way she managed the team, which I thought was very good.

That same night, Lloyd and I got to talking about relationships and why I haven't been in one for ages.  Thinking about it, yes, maybe it's the "me" factor, not "them",  I told her, maybe I need to change my POV, literally and figuratively,  Well, one of these days I hope to meet someone who will understand me and my idiosyncrasy and marry him. Oh and he should sing to me as well. hahaha. I wonder when that'll be...

I've changed my blog look, have you noticed? I couldn't cut my hair or change it yet so I changed my blog's look as well as my Multiply and Friendster sites, too.

Anyhoo, here's the anglicized lyrics of White Love Story (Coffee Prince OST) - Yes, I got hooked, No denying it.

White Love Story

I didn't know at first
Why your gaze
Looking at me
Made me so flustered

I always wanted to ask
If you understood just a little of my feeling
Although I never told you

Now I know
How you were as lost
And wandering as I was
How you hurt so much
It kept you from sleep

Hold my hand
I wont let go of you again
I love you
As long as I breathe

Things stood still
When you, who'd always treated me coldly
Smiled at me that day

Now I know
How you were as lost
And wandering as I was
How you hurt so much
It kept you from sleep

Hold my hand
Don't let go of me again
I love you
Till the day I close my eyes and rest

I won't cry
Now that you're by my side
Thank you
For such a worthless me
For giving me the gift of you

Usually, wide open spaces are filled with things other than chairs and tables.  There are times when it is filled with artwork, a statue or sculpture of some sort.  Something that people can look at and talk about on their way somewhere else.

Recently, I thought I was just filling a gap, covering a void that would help stop people making a conclusion on something and on someone.  I was wrong.  I was never needed based on the message I have received today.  I felt betrayed by the fact that I could have done other better things on those days and enjoyed myself immensely.  Instead, I had to plaster a smile and go on as if nothing happened.  I wish that I felt jealous instead; not anger.  Jealousy first hit my mind but then, anger surfaced, asking myself - how could I have been so stupid!  I understand I am not blind or in most cases, pretend to be blind but stupid? Phbffft!  And this is what I want to do right now (me=mandy):

Was it a waste of time?  Somehow I think so.  I used to think that it was my favorite waste of time rather than being on the phone for hours and hours.  But that to me was a complete waste of time and effort.  I know I could have written about how my weekend went and what I have done during the two-day  break from work - about my stroll along Bonifacio High Street and on having hot cocoa at Gloria Jeans on a lazy Sunday afternoon.  But no; we're here now and talking about something else.  I could have gone on and on about Coffee Prince instead.  I think I just heard my brittle heart crack at the edges...

With that thought, I just remembered my favorite song from that Korean TV Series and wanted to share this video with you.  It begins with the girl getting a bunch of one of my favorite flowers, the Carnation...

I'm still upset, mind you.

Weekends.  It's either you look forward to them or say the same thing as Migs does "Putcha! Monday na naman?!" Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's another manic monday.

So how was my weekend? Well, had lunch with the bunch (Yvette, Harold, Lloyd and Derik) at Amici de Don Bosco.  We ate pasta, pizza and gelato then went home.  We hardly noticed the time and spent about an hour longer than expected. Lotsa pictures as well, but sorry, can't share it till I create a new photobucket account.  As usual, Lloyd is my model of choice *wink wink*.

Sunday was half spent at work and then the mall.  We had lunch at Glorietta and my mom decided to get a haircut at Greenbelt (I got a protein treatment while she had everything else done) then back to Glorietta.  Along the way, we even bumped into Lloyd, Harold and Lloyd's nephew who were on their way to a bible study.  That same night, I slept for about an hour or two and woke up to the sound of my TV and SMS.  Ahh, phone time.  We didn't spend as much time as the last but we did talk for about 300 minutes this time.  Not bad considering there wasn't really anything we talked about that made sense. Hehehe.  Babaw. 

Anyhoo, in the not so distant past, a friend sang this and I thought, hey, that's nice and have recently shared it with Lloyd.  It's called "Who needs to dream"

Who needs to dream when there is you?
Who needs a heaven to look forward to?
For my whole life through
Who needs to dream?
You're my dream come true

Twas a hectic week for me and Lloyd. We went shopping for flowers on Wednesday morning at Dangwa, prepared the flowers till the afternoon and delivered the orders in the evening.  It was also Derik's birthday so we all had dinner/lunch courtesy of the birthday boy - a mixture of maki's (tamago, california and maguro) and 2 bilao's of Popsie's Pansit.  Of course, the maki won't be complete without Kewpie.

Yesterday, we went to the Travel Expo at MOA with our Supervisor Yvette, Ate Sheila (from Service QA) and Derik.  It was pretty interesting as there were plenty of packages available, whether it was local or international travel.  Lloyd and I concentrated on the tickets to Frankfurt for a trip we are planning for this coming June.  I really want to go there.  Never been to Germany before.  I think I should try to study the German language...

Today, I finished some stuff at work and sent the usual reports.  I then went over to the mall, planning to see a movie but ended up window shopping. Pffht.  Rockport, Puma and NBS were on sale.  Debenhams had new stuff to sell.  Good thing I was meeting up with some friends; else, I would have probably tried things on and would be lugging them along with me as I waited.  Fortunately, I got to see Tin (NovemberBliss) and we went around a bit and then ate Pizza at A Venetto.  It took me ages to finish my portion of the medium sized pizza we ordered. Good thing we had a lot of catching up to do - including her telling me that I just might get married next year. (Waaahhht?!  But where's the groom?!  Let me find one first!) Afterwards, we went to Greenbelt for mass and then went home. Corny noh?  Well, she's pregnant.  Alangan namang yayain ko pa syang mag KROK kami.

Most Saturdays for the past month, has been spent at home sleeping then waking up in the middle of the night, hungry and alone.  I would wake up, eat and watch TV then I'd decide to either go online, continue watching TV or sleep again.  Some Saturdays, I'd go to work in the evening and do unfinished work then go home.  In some cases, I'd talk with a friend or two.  Now I'm thinking that is one pathetic life!  I should do something during Saturday nights and what?  Here's where I make a list of everything or anything I can or would do or would like to do:  watch a movie with a friend | learn to drive (yes, at night since I work nights and it's harder to drive at that time) | go to a KROK bar | work (yuuuccckk! pathetic talaga) | learn to play the violin | go bowling | play billiards | go to a casino (yannn parang may pera ako noh?) | learn to paint | learn a new language (mandarin? german? french?) | make crafty stuff I can sell.    I think I'd go for the last two but it would be nice to learn to drive since we have enough vehicles to share amongst us.

Chinese New Year has just ended and the next occasion is Valentine's. Pfffht.  Sige na, pagkakitaan na lang natin ang Valentine's day.  Wala naman kasi akong ka-Valentine's kaya ganun na lang hehehe.  Ikaw, sinong ka-Valentine's mo?